I would like to posit the following:
When you do not make time for rest in your life, your body will eventually force you.
Here's to a week of rest, of working from home, of catching up, of healing.
Maybe I'll even find some headspace to write.
3.27.2011
3.07.2011
breastfeeding, lactivism, and backlash: an observation
Given the title, let's establish some immediate parameters:
1. I am not a mother. Yet.
2. I have no personal experience with breastfeeding aside from being breastfed as an infant.
3. I have lots of Mama friends. Tons of 'em. And even more Someday-Mama friends.
4. This post is not a discussion of whether breast is best. Do not mistake me. Read carefully. This post is an observation from an outsider.
If you are even remotely familiar with the newest generation of mothers via Facebook, mommy blogs, etc. you are likely aware of the discussions surrounding breastfeeding and its spin-off discussions: public breastfeeding, breastfeeding without a cover, posting photos of breastfeeding on Facebook, challenging society's perception of breastfeeding, etc.
These discussions rooted in the so-called lactivist movement are, indeed, groundbreaking. From my perspective, lactivism has made two notable accomplishments:
1. They've paved the way for a generation of Americans who are comfortable with breastfeeding.
2. They've alienated mothers who struggle with breastfeeding or have already given up on it.
My perspective has long been that reaction is never the best course of action. Regardless of the scenario, one's viewpoint is always best communicated when it is devoid of defensiveness. Being defensive leads to being argumentative leads to crazy talk. Just ask the Tea Party.
So it's not that I'm against the lactivist movement. I am against their delivery when it is defensive and harsh. I'm against their blog posts and articles calling formula-users "child abusers" and folks who are uncomfortable with breastfeeding "ignorant." If you're going to school an entire country in public breastfeeding etiquette, calling them ignorant is probably not the best place to start. I didn't say America doesn't need the education. I said calling them names makes them less receptive to it.
As for struggling mothers, I can only speculate here, but humor me. If I'm a new mom, perhaps lacking a supportive community or even a positive example of breastfeeding, intimidated by La Leche League, less than confident in my own ability, and trusting of my doctor's opinion, I'm probably not going to feel empowered by the in-your-face side of the lactivist movement; I'm probably going to feel attacked by it even if it is not directed at me. To borrow the phrasing of a dear Someday-Mama friend, lactivism's hardcore stance can be damaging to moms struggling with breastfeeding, despite the fact that pro-breastfeeding/anti-formula arguments are not generally aimed at them specifically.
Can we agree on this?: Breastfeeding is terrific for baby, for mama, for community. But breastfeeding does not work for every baby and every mama. Can we also agree that the type of lactivism we need more of is the kind where mamas who have worked through struggles share insight with mamas in the thick of it?
The kind where LLL chapters or online groups who provide loving support to new moms are circulated even more widely than angry articles or that'll-show-'em backlash.
The kind that will make resources available to mamas who, for whatever reason, have to stop breastfeeding.
The kind that extends grace to people who are unaware of the benefits of breastfeeding; the kind that does not belittle them for it.
The kind that rejoices in a God who made women's bodies for breastfeeding, celebrates the powerful connection between mother and child, and praises society's role in supporting that connection.
That's the kind of lactivism I can get on board with. You with me?
1. I am not a mother. Yet.
2. I have no personal experience with breastfeeding aside from being breastfed as an infant.
3. I have lots of Mama friends. Tons of 'em. And even more Someday-Mama friends.
4. This post is not a discussion of whether breast is best. Do not mistake me. Read carefully. This post is an observation from an outsider.
If you are even remotely familiar with the newest generation of mothers via Facebook, mommy blogs, etc. you are likely aware of the discussions surrounding breastfeeding and its spin-off discussions: public breastfeeding, breastfeeding without a cover, posting photos of breastfeeding on Facebook, challenging society's perception of breastfeeding, etc.
These discussions rooted in the so-called lactivist movement are, indeed, groundbreaking. From my perspective, lactivism has made two notable accomplishments:
1. They've paved the way for a generation of Americans who are comfortable with breastfeeding.
2. They've alienated mothers who struggle with breastfeeding or have already given up on it.
My perspective has long been that reaction is never the best course of action. Regardless of the scenario, one's viewpoint is always best communicated when it is devoid of defensiveness. Being defensive leads to being argumentative leads to crazy talk. Just ask the Tea Party.
So it's not that I'm against the lactivist movement. I am against their delivery when it is defensive and harsh. I'm against their blog posts and articles calling formula-users "child abusers" and folks who are uncomfortable with breastfeeding "ignorant." If you're going to school an entire country in public breastfeeding etiquette, calling them ignorant is probably not the best place to start. I didn't say America doesn't need the education. I said calling them names makes them less receptive to it.
As for struggling mothers, I can only speculate here, but humor me. If I'm a new mom, perhaps lacking a supportive community or even a positive example of breastfeeding, intimidated by La Leche League, less than confident in my own ability, and trusting of my doctor's opinion, I'm probably not going to feel empowered by the in-your-face side of the lactivist movement; I'm probably going to feel attacked by it even if it is not directed at me. To borrow the phrasing of a dear Someday-Mama friend, lactivism's hardcore stance can be damaging to moms struggling with breastfeeding, despite the fact that pro-breastfeeding/anti-formula arguments are not generally aimed at them specifically.
Can we agree on this?: Breastfeeding is terrific for baby, for mama, for community. But breastfeeding does not work for every baby and every mama. Can we also agree that the type of lactivism we need more of is the kind where mamas who have worked through struggles share insight with mamas in the thick of it?
The kind where LLL chapters or online groups who provide loving support to new moms are circulated even more widely than angry articles or that'll-show-'em backlash.
The kind that will make resources available to mamas who, for whatever reason, have to stop breastfeeding.
The kind that extends grace to people who are unaware of the benefits of breastfeeding; the kind that does not belittle them for it.
The kind that rejoices in a God who made women's bodies for breastfeeding, celebrates the powerful connection between mother and child, and praises society's role in supporting that connection.
That's the kind of lactivism I can get on board with. You with me?
3.06.2011
on being in D.C.
The last time I'd been in D.C. was ten years ago.
Ten years.
That's a long time ago. As in, pre-9/11 long time ago. As in, the last time I was in D.C., I was in 8th grade, had a penchant for graphic tees, and thought my blunt-cut bangs were the height of fashion. As it turns out, bold fringes are back in a big way. Ironic.
I was pretty excited to get back to D.C. in my adult body. To see things with adult eyes. To spend time with Jon, his sister, and his friends, who are all quickly becoming my friends, too. (I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind sharing.)
Recommended: renting bikes from Capital Bikeshare. We biked along the Rock Creek Park trail, around the monuments and the Mall.
We stopped in at the Air and Space Museum and the Museum of American History. We tried to see the White House but somebody was coming home, so it was blocked off. We cooked dinner all together, ate cupcakes, watched some Duke/UNC basketball, laughed at SNL, and went to Capitol Baptist Church Sunday morning.
That? That is real life with friends. Though not representative of everyday life nor sustainable in any sense, this weekend was a ton of quality time with quality people. I'm feeling extra blessed this morning.
P.S. Note the absence of graphic tees, FBI sweatshirts, and glasses. Growing up is awesome.
Ten years.
That's a long time ago. As in, pre-9/11 long time ago. As in, the last time I was in D.C., I was in 8th grade, had a penchant for graphic tees, and thought my blunt-cut bangs were the height of fashion. As it turns out, bold fringes are back in a big way. Ironic.
I was pretty excited to get back to D.C. in my adult body. To see things with adult eyes. To spend time with Jon, his sister, and his friends, who are all quickly becoming my friends, too. (I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind sharing.)
Recommended: renting bikes from Capital Bikeshare. We biked along the Rock Creek Park trail, around the monuments and the Mall.
We stopped in at the Air and Space Museum and the Museum of American History. We tried to see the White House but somebody was coming home, so it was blocked off. We cooked dinner all together, ate cupcakes, watched some Duke/UNC basketball, laughed at SNL, and went to Capitol Baptist Church Sunday morning.
That? That is real life with friends. Though not representative of everyday life nor sustainable in any sense, this weekend was a ton of quality time with quality people. I'm feeling extra blessed this morning.P.S. Note the absence of graphic tees, FBI sweatshirts, and glasses. Growing up is awesome.
3.03.2011
on what makes us adults
This will be brief. I really should be packing (this weekend: D.C.!).
It won't take long to steal someone else's words and post them here for our mutual benefit.
In the past six weeks, there have been a number of events that I would ordinarily classify as "adult things." A slew of things come to your mind when I say that, right? Things like divorce, job loss, unexpected death, miscarriage, terminal illness, foreclosure, infidelity, depression, existential crises, addictions, etc. etc.
I've seen so many of thosekinds of things occur in the lives of my friends and loved ones in the past six weeks, and frankly, it makes me want to throw my hands up and walk away. Following yet another tragic loss a few weeks ago, I asked Jon how we were even remotely old enough for all this. His response?
"This is how someone becomes old."
He's got a point. This is what makes us old. And wise. And tougher than the tough stuff life throws at us.
I just wish it was more of an easier process, and less of a trial by fire.
It won't take long to steal someone else's words and post them here for our mutual benefit.
In the past six weeks, there have been a number of events that I would ordinarily classify as "adult things." A slew of things come to your mind when I say that, right? Things like divorce, job loss, unexpected death, miscarriage, terminal illness, foreclosure, infidelity, depression, existential crises, addictions, etc. etc.
I've seen so many of those
"This is how someone becomes old."
He's got a point. This is what makes us old. And wise. And tougher than the tough stuff life throws at us.
I just wish it was more of an easier process, and less of a trial by fire.
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