It's the eternal question: "What are you doing after you graduate?" Actually, not eternal, but at the very least recurring, since I remember it vividly from 4 years ago. Why everyone is so obsessed with the next phase is beyond me. Don't they care about right now?
Unfortunately, I don't have a good answer to this question (and, if I remember correctly, I didn't have a punctual answer last time, either). I usually attempt a witty reply like "I'm not sure - when you find out, will you let me know?" because the truth is so embarrassingly banal: "I have no plans as of right now. Due to my procrastination and the impractical nature of my liberal arts education, I'll be wandering aimlessly back to my parents' basement and waking up at 4am to serve espresso to the highly ambitious."
A classmate of mine recently called me out on my affected pessimism. Rest assured, I don't actually believe my education is an impractical waste. I would have quit long ago, before the loans started stacking up, if I thought my education would prove useless. But honestly, I've only started questioning its practicality as of late. Objectively, my degree has not given me a trade or a specific skill set. I knew how to put words into sentences before I came to Wheaton.
In my Writing Capstone class, I've been confronted (assaulted, really) by the theory behind my degree and what I actually believe writing is, what it changes, what it could be. Having arrived at the end of my formal writing education, I do not believe that there is a universal standard for "good writing" because I've come to see it as such a subjective art. Sure, there are standards for publish-able writing or best-selling writing, but isn't writing "good writing" if it satisfies an audience (even if that audience is only your mom)?
I love my mom and I value her opinion of my writing, but God love her, she loves everything I write - even the crap I write on a deadline. That stuff isn't going to get published, but my mom reads it and is full of praise for me. And I love that about my mom. And she's probably the reason I've kept writing all these years. Every writer needs someone who believes they could be the Poet Laureate, and my mom is that person for me. But just because I can write stuff my mom likes doesn't mean I'm going to make it as a writer. I've certainly come to doubt my ability to make a living doing it.
I know that I don't possess the life experience necessary to begin a writing career next May. I know that. It's been a steady realization. It's not a surprise, even. But I am also confident that I will continue writing. It enriches my life, gives me an opportunity to process my world, and helps me connect my heart and my head. Writing has never been about audience for me, and I realize that separates me from every marketable author ever, but it doesn't diminish the personal value of the practice of writing.
So even if I never make it as a journalist, even if my memoir never hits the NY Times Bestseller list, I'll keep writing, even if it's just for me and Mom.
2 comments:
you could work for a magazine. a good friend of mine ended up a couple years after graduation working at Decision Magazine and loves it, she gets to travel all over the world and write about it. she was a missions major with a journalism minor. She had no idea how that was going to work out for her either. The cool thing is that sometimes God has plans you could never dream up on your own. It could be a really great thing that you don't have a "plan" it leaves lots of room for God to work :)
I'm your mom - of course I'll always love your writing! just think of me as the President of the Maggie-the-writer Fan Club.
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