I try really hard to not shoot daggers at the person who asks "What are you doing after college?" Sometimes I fail at this.
I wish I could say that, with less than 100 days until graduation, I know what my plans are. Oh, how I wish I knew. Everyone's telling me how many options I have, but it's that very idea that is so crippling to me. If I had only one or two really good options, I could go all Type-A and OCD and write a list of pros and cons and figure it out, even if it came down to a coin flip.
But I don't have one or two options, I have about a hundred, and last night I should have stayed up and done some more research and applied to more jobs and looked into the employers I'm meeting with on Friday, but this inexplicable terror seized me and all I could do was close my computer and go to bed. I went to bed! Because I can't deal with how my life is about to change! Does anyone else realize how counterintuitive that was?!
I am not afraid for life after college. I'm really not. I'm pretty sure I could do just about anything for the first couple years. It's the not knowing that kills me.
3 comments:
don't worry, it will all come together. I would have gone to bed too :) You do what you can, and then just do what you think God is nudging you towards.
Whatever your decision is, you are NOT going to be stuck there. It doesnt have to be permanent. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do after college! ha. I'll pray that you have a peace about whatever it is you need to do. Love ya!
in my philosophy class this week (not the one that supplanted poetry writing) we talked about the concept of undecidability--that certain kinds of decisions can't be calculated; there's no magic formula, just reasons. many of life's most important decisions would fall into this category--where to go to college, jobs, relationships, etc. interestingly, things that we call decisions are only those which are undecidable, and making them is part of what makes us human.
my uncle george told me that the best career advice he ever got was from his uncle joe, who said, "you'll figure it out." "and i did!" he said (he's an accountant with his own practice), with everyone else telling him he should do this or that, or use certain criteria... similarly, dr. whitaker (my composition prof) said that i will probably have a few rough years, but everyone makes a living somehow (at least everyone who stays alive). you said you're not concerned about that, more about the not-knowing-what, and i guess i'd say, at least you will get to learn about yourself. i hate the not-knowing too, so you needn't take this as trying to give advice, just solidarity.
I'm with you, my dear... I was terrified to not know what I was doing after I graduated, and I didn't find out until about a month later... and the week of my wedding!! :) God has got this whole world in His hands, including your future. Just take refuge in your Rock, and He will bring you places you never knew existed. It is so comforting to me that He is immutable, amidst all of the craziness of life.
Also, I completely understand shutting down and refusing to think about it! I have been doing that with my job situation over the past couple of weeks. I want to figure it out so badly, but it is overwhelming to think about it. Today's worries are enough for today...
And I can't believe he (I'm assuming this is the he I'm thinking of...) said that you are not high energy! You are probably one of the most active and energetic people I know. :) Good job on your triathalon, my dear. You are officially more athletic than I am. :)
I love you and am praying for God's guidance and peace in your life!
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