Thoughts on Marriage

I'm finally sitting down to Lauren F. Winner's book Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity. She came to chapel at Wheaton 2 years ago, where I sat in the back row of the balcony and cringed; she was talking straight at me. So now I'm finally getting down to what she's getting at, and I'm surprised. I'm surprised by how sensible it is and how receptive I am to it. So here's the passage that keeps bothering me:

"The reasons we give for delaying marriage are entirely understandable. We want to make sure we know ourselves...We want to see the world, or finish college, or graduate from law school before making a time-consuming domestic commitment to another person....
But these impulses, while perhaps laudable, speak to a distorted understanding of marriage. The anxious parent who wants her college-aged daughter to postpone marriage rightly recognizes that people change a lot in their early twenties. But what that parent perhaps fails to recognize is that there is no point at which we can be sure. There is no age at which we truly know ourselves, and there is no length of courtship after which we really know our sweetie. To underscore that making a marriage is not about making an informed, rational calculation is not to suggest that in an ideal world, high school seniors would marry arbitrarily and hope for the best. It is not to join the chorus on Christian college campuses that sings about having a 'ring by spring.' Rather it is to remember that marriage not merely an exercise in finding the perfect mate; though the companionate marriage has reigned triumphant for these last two centuries, marriage is not only about companionship. It is about children, and household economy, and stability. And marriage is also about God. No matter how clearly we see ourselves and our fiances, marriage will prove difficult. We will both change. We will argue, and feel broken, and wonder why we ever married in the first place--and it is God who will sustain us in those spells." (emphasis mine)

So this passage keeps haunting me, and while I feel twinges of regret at not having read this earlier, I've more importantly come to my own conclusion that I was wrong. I've been assaulting myself with this idea that I have no business being in a relationship until I really know who I am, until I can be fair to the other person by being confident in myself as an individual. This, stated plainly, is crap. At least I think it is.

As Winner reminded me, who among us is ever really sure of ourselves? Which of us can stand at an age and say, "Now. This is who I am; it will not change."? I cannot do that, and I will not because I know I will continue to change as I gather life experience and wisdom. As caught up as I've been in this idea of companionate love and being truly compatible, people change anyways. If they're compatible now, they may not be in another 5 years, and vice-versa. Maybe if I'd read this 3 months ago, my life would look different now. Then again, maybe not.

Not to be prideful, but...

I made the Dean's List this semester with a 3.81 semester GPA. And I'm just really proud of this achievement. It's not the first time it's happened, but this semester was especially difficult for so many reasons that I feel especially victorious.

I made an A in Journalism and Drugs & Society and A-minuses in Public Health & Nutrition, Spanish American Literature, and, most importantly, my Senior Seminar in Writing. I wish I had the time and energy to detail what exactly made each class kick my butt so thoroughly, but the fact remains: it's all over, and in the end, I won.

Welcome back, self-esteem. It's good to see you; it's been too long.

It's a New Year

Here's to 2009 and all the changes it will bring.

I can't wait!

Never too old

I suppose I thought it was another part of being an adult, losing the suprise factor of Christmas Day. I didn't mind so much, because adulthood means practicality in my mind. For example, I asked for winter boots for Christmas, but the snow comes before December, so Mom gave me boots for Thanksgiving. This is adult practicality. I got my Christmas present last month.

Now, stockings aren't included in this category, because with
Tony Thomas as Santa, you will always be surprised. This year:
Dr. Pepper LipSmackers...7th grade calling me back. Love it.

The recent trend has been gift cards and cash, both of which are welcome sights to teenagers. We spend money like it's going out of style, and these gifts keep us afloat. The giver might feel bad, like their gift is impersonal, but believe me, nothing screams "I love you" like a Visa Gift Card, valid anywhere Visa is accepted (which is everywhere).

So imagine my surprise when I open this on Christmas Day: the Olympus FE-340 (pictured below).

Red-hot, ultra-slim, 8 mega-
pixels, 5.0 optical zoom.
This is a sexy camera.

The idea didn't necessarily come out of left field; I'd asked for it for my birthday (along with a MacBook Pro and a hybrid car - the list wasn't entirely reasonable). When I didn't get it back in August, it slipped my mind. But my grandparents, the lovable Bob and Pinky, came through.

Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for letting me feel like a kid at Christmas. You've proved that you're never too old for a Christmas surprise.

Rest

This morning, I woke up at 11 o'clock with no classes, finals, projects, papers, presentations, meetings, or appointments looming over my head.

I have finished the most difficult semester on record and I survived.

In one hour, I'm leaving Wheaton for my very last Christmas Break. I plan on sleeping a lot, spending quality time with family, and surrounding myself with friends.

Then I plan on returning to Wheaton for my last semester ever.

It feels surreal. And it feels so good.