Given the title, let's establish some immediate parameters:
1. I am not a mother. Yet.
2. I have no personal experience with breastfeeding aside from being breastfed as an infant.
3. I have lots of Mama friends. Tons of 'em. And even more Someday-Mama friends.
4. This post is not a discussion of whether breast is best. Do not mistake me. Read carefully. This post is an observation from an outsider.
If you are even remotely familiar with the newest generation of mothers via Facebook, mommy blogs, etc. you are likely aware of the discussions surrounding breastfeeding and its spin-off discussions: public breastfeeding, breastfeeding without a cover, posting photos of breastfeeding on Facebook, challenging society's perception of breastfeeding, etc.
These discussions rooted in the so-called lactivist movement are, indeed, groundbreaking. From my perspective, lactivism has made two notable accomplishments:
1. They've paved the way for a generation of Americans who are comfortable with breastfeeding.
2. They've alienated mothers who struggle with breastfeeding or have already given up on it.
My perspective has long been that reaction is never the best course of action. Regardless of the scenario, one's viewpoint is always best communicated when it is devoid of defensiveness. Being defensive leads to being argumentative leads to crazy talk. Just ask the Tea Party.
So it's not that I'm against the lactivist movement. I am against their delivery when it is defensive and harsh. I'm against their blog posts and articles calling formula-users "child abusers" and folks who are uncomfortable with breastfeeding "ignorant." If you're going to school an entire country in public breastfeeding etiquette, calling them ignorant is probably not the best place to start. I didn't say America doesn't need the education. I said calling them names makes them less receptive to it.
As for struggling mothers, I can only speculate here, but humor me. If I'm a new mom, perhaps lacking a supportive community or even a positive example of breastfeeding, intimidated by La Leche League, less than confident in my own ability, and trusting of my doctor's opinion, I'm probably not going to feel empowered by the in-your-face side of the lactivist movement; I'm probably going to feel attacked by it even if it is not directed at me. To borrow the phrasing of a dear Someday-Mama friend, lactivism's hardcore stance can be damaging to moms struggling with breastfeeding, despite the fact that pro-breastfeeding/anti-formula arguments are not generally aimed at them specifically.
Can we agree on this?: Breastfeeding is terrific for baby, for mama, for community. But breastfeeding does not work for every baby and every mama. Can we also agree that the type of lactivism we need more of is the kind where mamas who have worked through struggles share insight with mamas in the thick of it?
The kind where LLL chapters or online groups who provide loving support to new moms are circulated even more widely than angry articles or that'll-show-'em backlash.
The kind that will make resources available to mamas who, for whatever reason, have to stop breastfeeding.
The kind that extends grace to people who are unaware of the benefits of breastfeeding; the kind that does not belittle them for it.
The kind that rejoices in a God who made women's bodies for breastfeeding, celebrates the powerful connection between mother and child, and praises society's role in supporting that connection.
That's the kind of lactivism I can get on board with. You with me?
7 comments:
I agree with so much of this. :) I'd also just like to say, I don't understand Christian mamas who want to post incredibly revealing BFing pictures on Facebook. If you normally cover 'em up in public, why should BFing be any different? Yes, it's a beautiful thing. But no, I don't think I need to share my boobies with the general public. Amen?
love you both! most definitely on board with encouraging lactivism :) not tear-you-down-beat-you-up lactivism.
I think Lactavists get mad at women who come to the ER the moment their epidural is shut off from delivering the baby because "My boobs hurt and I don't want them to can I please have some percocet?" Breastfeeding is the first of may sacrifices you should be willing to make for your child. If you can't that's one thing but if you won't...
Guess who posted this. HAHA
write.in.transition: truth spoken here. I am a momma who literally tried and waited for my milk to come in for two weeks (amidst countless lactation specialist appointments, herbal teas, pumping,latching, etc...)My son did not eat for 5 days with the exception of an eyedropper full of formula if he got really hungry. It was heartbreaking to watch him latch on and frantically claw at my breast and shake his head back and forth because he was not getting any sustenance. It was heartbreaking because it IS so special, it IS what's best and my body couldn't do it. Everyone kept telling me "It will come in, be patient" At five days old we were readmitted to the hospital because of severe jaundice (levels were 19, doctor told us at 30 brain damage starts...). The jaundice was getting worse because he wasn't eating (therefore not having bowel movements to get rid of the bilirubin). It was horrible to hear that "You will just have to do formula" It was embarrassing for me to be out in public and making my child a bottle. I just wanted to scream out to the mommas that looked at me with judgmental looks "I tried! My body did not work the way it was supposed to!" But, it was pretty socially unacceptable to do so. I try to remember that my body also couldn’t get pregnant for 2 years. The first two times I got pregnant, seeing babe’s heartbeat and all, and my body defied me again and miscarried. Lucky for me, we figured out the problem and even though I needed daily injections for the first 12 weeks of both pregnancies, my body was finally doing what it was supposed to do. Knowing that I was finally able to conceive made the sting of the looks from other mommas a bit less but I still was made to feel like less of a mother and a woman. However, it is a common theme in our society that women don’t support other women. It’s a sad reality but it makes it that much more special when you find a group of women that do. Breastfeeding is beautiful, it is what's best, it's natural, it's amazing. However, it doesn't make you a better mom than someone who can't do it....(won't, another story...)Sorry, end rant.
I think it is a bit more complicated and perhaps less rosy than just helping future mothers be comfortable about breastfeeding...there is something of an internal backlash going on and for very good reasons too
http://fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/2011/02/guest-post-day-i-championed-formula.html
Personally the tone of lactivism is such that as a former breastfeeder (for a year, with no regrets at all cos i liked it, he liked it, it worked for us), I actively avoid mentioning my feeding choices. I'd happily support any new mum who wanted some advise or info about breastfeeding, but I absolutely do not wish to be associated with the current hectoring, finger wagging tone.
Given the constant wail that breastfeeding rates are "still too low" I'd suggest that far from paving the way for future breast feeders that attitudes are rendering the message less palatable and is a contributory factor in why rates are not rising despite the amount of money, time and energy spent on trying to get them up.
So maybe the emphasis should NOT be on getting rates up, but instead be on providing non judgmental, high quality support and information for those who wish to BF and those who don't are left to get on with caring for their baby without an avalanche of undue pressure when they need it the least.
At that point maybe the mothers who are finding it not so easy to get the hang of BFing will find lactation support is not spread quite so thin, and actually get enough help to aid them overcoming any roadblocks.
Interesting post topic. Personally, I found BF to be extremely easy and rewarding. I did it for four months with my son, but it proved too challenging to keep up after I returned to work. (Now, the stigma associated with being a working mother - another blog topic entirely! Whew!)
Maybe I just wasn't "listening" to the rhetoric/propaganda of either side, because I knew I was going to try it but wasn't going to be heartbroken if it didn't work for some reason... But I didn't find either side of the issue to be too deafening.
I have no respect for the biopolitics of lactivism. It's bullying in disguise. New moms should be cared for with their choices on feeding their infants honored and respected. La leche League is Baby Friendly and the manifesto that they embrace villifies formula and anyone who resorts to formula.It's extremist to say the least.My heart breaks to watch newborns come back to the hospital so dehydrated and jaundiced that their cries are hoarse and 10% of body weight is lost.. Because Baby friendly says Dont give Formula...unless medically emergent...
Moms are sobbing as they feel like a failure. None of this promotes bonding or a happy experience. Why cant people respect the different choices other's make? Ive always questioned why people do something just because a group tells you its best...Educate yourself, ladies.. and if you need to veer from the path in feeding do so for your baby's best interest and your own without guilt.
Post a Comment