on trying so hard

I spent a good chunk of my Sunday at that bastion of commercialism, Mall of America. Granted, I had a really good excuse (finding shoes to get married in!) but 4 hours of speed-walking around strollers, tourists, and old slow people with nothing to show for it at the end was exhausting.

While in a certain upscale department store's dressing room, I overheard two little girls in the dressing room across from me. Let me clarify: they were likely about 12 years old. Now that I'm double their age, they qualify as little girls.

(What's that, you say? You thought I was shopping for shoes? Yeah, well, I found some dresses I wanted to try on. Not the point.)

So I can hear them in the dressing room. They're trying on dresses. Helping each other get zipped in. Chatting endlessly. And then I actually start eavesdropping listening.

They're trying so hard to talk like grown-up women.

Girl 1: I just have 2 dresses left to try on.
Girl 2: Yeah, me, too.
Girl 1: And then we can go try on teen dresses. I could tell you really wanted to try on teen dresses, but I just really wanted to try on these gowns.

(later)

Girl 1: You're so lucky you have a strapless bra.
Girl 2: I bought it from Victoria's Secret.
Girl 1: My mom doesn't let me buy fancy underwear or bras. She always asks me, "Who are you showing your underwear to?" Like, mom, I'm not showing it to anyone! I believe in a strong foundation.
Girl 2: I bought a bra once for $36. My mom told me I couldn't wear it to school. She said it wasn't appropriate. I was like, "Mom! I bought this with my hard earned money!"

(later)

Girl 1: Ooooooh this is like a wedding dress! I thought this store didn't sell wedding dresses!
Girl 2: You be the bride and I'll be the bridesmaid. Dum, dum, da-dum...
Girl 1: I can't wait til I get to go wedding dress shopping someday.

Oh, sweetie. It will be here before you know it.

As I was listening to their conversation, it struck me how anxious we are to grow up. How hard we try, even subconsciously, to sound older, more adult. How easily we mimic the words and phrases we hear adults use because that is the external indicator of adulthood. I say "we" because I'm confident it was me in that dressing room, 12 years ago, trying ever so hard to not be 12.