up and down and up and down and up and

It's been a bipolar kind of day. You know what I mean, right? Those kinds of days that start out promising and nosedive before your second cup of coffee? It might pick back up again at lunch, but woe to those trying skate through the witching hour of 3:30 - 4:30.

Well, that's been my day. I hope you can relate. I hope I'm not alone. For the sake of humor, here's a recap of my rollercoaster day (quotes courtesy my Facebook and Twitter feed)

"As I was falling asleep last night, I had a thought and said to myself, "You should tweet that tomorrow." Well, it's tomorrow. I forgot."

"Dealing with argumentative and belligerent people has to be the least favorite part of my job."

"Need to marvel at something today? http://justpaste.it/3ky"

"Hiskja (coworker's son, age 6) just walked into the office saying, "I have to show my dad my new Clone Wars skateboard with General Grievous on it." Oh how I love my job."

"I hate budgets. #monthlycashflowplan @daveramsey #FPU"

"Financial Aid makes me want to tear my hair out."


Someone please tell me I'm not alone in this. Someone also please tell me that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it. Someone also remind me that Glee is on tonight and I'll be with good friends for it.

marvel-ous

I'm a big fan of photography. I have some friends, like Sarah and Ashley, who are pretty good at it. I'm rather slow on the uptake - I know what I like, and I can to pick out "good" photos - but I personally am not gifted in the photo-making and -taking categories.

But if you are also a fan of photography, or travel, or the world, or even its inhabitants (generally speaking), methinks you'll appreciate the following link. You might even, as the title implies, marvel at this incredible world we live in.

Let's cultivate some appreciation together.

http://justpaste.it/3ky

Here's a teaser. It's a shot of houseboats in--go figure--Lagos, Nigeria, copyright Yann Arthus-Bertrand.

forever is an awfully long time

Eternity has been on my mind lately.

I know, really light subject, huh?

It started with an incredible funeral last week. I say incredible because it was a 37-year-old mother of an autistic toddler; she died from a massive epileptic seizure.

I also say incredible because have you ever seen an entire family, robbed of their youngest daughter, with hands uplifted, singing Great is Thy Faithfulness? It's incredible.

There are a number of questions which accompany funerals. You generally think about yourself: What if it happened to you? What if it happened tomorrow? Are you prepared? Are things in order?

I had a few other reactions, too. It was an open casket funeral, and I haven't been to that type of funeral in probably 10 years. It just struck me, though, that she wasn't there. Her body was, but everything that made her Melanie has passed onto glory - where she is healed, whole, and standing in the presence of Jesus Christ.

There was a lot of hope present at that funeral - this life is not all there is. We have a hope that transcends this material world. Glory to God!

My internal dwelling on eternity continued tonight at Southland City Church. One of my new favorite songs is called Yahweh, and these are the only lines I know from memory:

We look to Yahweh, Yahweh.
Forever Yahweh, Yahweh.

And He shall reign forever; He shall reign forever;
He shall reign forever and ever.

I sang those lines over and over, in my car, all the way home. I was struck by the realization that long after I am gone, when this place is nothing but wasteland, and when the temples of man's ingenuity are nothing but forgotten ruins, Yahweh will reign.

And for forever after that, He will still reign.

And for all that time, from the time I am finished in this world until time is no more, I will give praise to Him.

Which was when all my thoughts came together: When Melanie lost consciousness that day, she left this world and awoke to the presence of Jesus Christ, whom she will praise forever and ever.

Glory to God in the highest.

the clock is ticking

In recent years, I've found myself increasingly attuned to others' marketing strategies. The most effective strategies I've seen lately are in video format.

It started in July with Ford's video campaign to unveil the new Explorer. It was a mystery, really, that a marketing video for a car could give me goosebumps.

Then there was this one, which brought tears to my eyes: Amazima Ministries on Vimeo

And then just today, a friend shared this one in their Facebook stream. It's for The Girl Effect and it's put a burning in my soul.



I still don't know what I'm going to do about it, but it's raised a lot of burning questions in my heart, primarily: "What can I do? right now? from here?"

daily dose of embarrassing humor

Discovery of the YEAR:

I kept a Xanga account during my freshman year of college.

Oh my it is atrocious. I was so angst-ridden. How did I live with me?!

I'm not going to share the address with you, because I am that embarrassed, but here's some fun snippets. Let's all just laugh together. I'm nothing if not self-deprecating, yes?

"Interests: music, friends, coffee / Expertise: massages"

5/24/06: "Maybe I'll try keeping this thing updated more often. Maybe I'll start waking up before noon. Maybe I'll start running 3 miles every day. Maybe I'll be a size 6 before August. Maybe I'll be more responsible this summer. Maybe I'll make a lot of money. Maybe I'll plan out my life...at least the next 3 years. Maybe I'll receive some kind of Divine Revelation about my future. Maybe I'll take life more seriously. Maybe I'll take life less seriously. Maybe I'll bond with my brother this summer. Maybe I'll get to know my dad better. Maybe I'll quit talking to half my Wheaton friends. Maybe I'll develop my relationships here at home. Maybe I won't come home at all next year. Maybe I'll make a rash decision this summer...like choosing to pick up and fly to newhampshire to see Jayj or to newjersey to see Mattie or to texas to see... Maybe I'll learn how to be a leader amongst my peers. Maybe I'll make a lot of really good decisions this summer. Maybe I'll make a lot of bad decisions, too. Maybe I'll actually sort through all my crap. Maybe I'll just let it sit in the boxes until August. Maybe I'll cut my hair. Maybe I'll just let it grow. Maybe I'll start playing tennis. Or golf. Yeah, maybe golf. Maybe I'll be a fantastic nanny this summer. Maybe the kids will hate me. Maybe Connor will be an angel this summer...who am i kidding, maybe he'll threaten my life. Maybe I'll buy a new wardrobe. Maybe I'll get colored contacts. Maybe I'll come back a changed woman. Maybe I'll just stay the same.

Maybe."

11/23/05: "well, God continues to be good. (what a surprise) I am still an English major, but the hope is to become certified to teach ESL overseas. That's right...Maggie's gonna be a missionary."

9/12/05: "I secretly want to do something semi-destructive...dying my hair wasn't enough"

It's just so humiliating! If you were friends with me back then, thank you for sticking it out until I was less annoying. And if you dated me back then, well...bless you. That must have been a bumpy ride.

now playing: an experiment

This is a experimental video post. No, it's not a vlog. It's just a video of the song I'm currently hooked on. And I took it from YouTube. And I have no idea if it's an infringement. And if this blog gets shut down I guess I'll have my answer.

For the record, Guster has been a favorite of mine since junior year of high school (seven years ago). I love their lyrical strength and imagery, the gentle acoustics, and the easy harmony I fall into when I sing along in my car (or in my room, or in the shower).

Also for the record, Guster is not a Christian band. They're all Jewish guys. But being the good liberal arts kid I will always be, I like to pick apart lyrics to find Truth in there somewhere.

Enough qualifying. Just listen already and tell me what you think.

Guster's "Stay With Me Jesus"



from IndependentPresident's YouTube channel

All theirs, not mine. (There. I hope I covered my bases.)

everyone's favorite mean girl

She's baaaack. And she's in trouble. Still.

Lindsay Lohan failed a recent drug test, presumably for cocaine. A warrant has been issued for her arrest and she will probably be back in jail for another 30 days. The judge will likely revoke her ability to leave the state of California, thus impeding her ability to film her current projects. In short, her career is shriveling.

Part of me wants to blame the judge who reduced her sentence in the first place and thought it would fix her. She served 13 days in jail and 23 days in rehab. The original sentence was 90 days each.

Part of me wants her to be an adult and deal with the consequences. Part of me just pities her. I mean, you probably wouldn't have become the contributing adult you are if you'd had a childhood like hers.

Friends say: Oh, aren't you glad that wasn't you?

I always reply: "It would never have been me."

Not that I'm better than Lindsay. If I had faced similar pressures, temptations, and paparazzi alone, who's to know? I could have ended up exactly where she is today. It's not that I'm special.

I just know that my family would never have let that happen to me. They wouldn't have allowed me to grow up too fast. Plus, I never could have done the films Lindsay did - I didn't look anything like those Mean Girls when I was 17!

Besides, if I had a criminal history and struggled with addiction, my family would definitely not have approved of this:

That's Linds, partying it up after she got out of jail & rehab. Coincidentally, it's the same night she failed her drug test. I mean, if it had been me, I'd have been interventioned a long time ago.

I'm not a Lindsay-hater by any means. A Lindsay-pitier, maybe. But also just grateful for Tony, Audrey, and Jake who keep me grounded.

speaking of faithfulness

Most of you know this already, but my mom is a pretty big deal. Officially, she's known as Organized Audrey and runs a professional speaking and organizing business, specializing in corporate training. Yep, a pretty big deal.

Last night I had the privilege of speaking side-by-side with my mom.

We were asked to speak at a women-only service at our church. As we began crafting our informal presentation, the theme started leaking out everywhere: God's faithfulness & answered prayer.

As Mom and I think about the last 18 months of our lives, God's faithfulness to us and His faithfulness in answering prayer is the only way we can summarize that time.

So last night we shared. Together. In a tag-team kind of way. We laughed, shared pictures, made jokes. We told stories of faithfulness upon faithfulness, of answered prayer after answered prayer.

Some of the women present were people who had prayed, advised, cried, laughed, and lived alongside us both during the past school year. Some of the women there had never met us before. There were a lot of tears. (Not me. Mom, though.) One of my childhood friends came from an hour away and brought her mom and grandmother! The nurse from my high school was there, too! (Not only did I remember her by name, but I admitted to faking illness on numerous occasions. Once a drama queen...)

What an incredible time to celebrate all the ways God has come through for us, to thank our friends and support systems, to remind myself of how the past year wasn't about me--it was about God proving Himself faithful in every situation.

I've been dwelling on a particular piece of feedback Mom received. A woman said to her afterward, "I had no idea that was going on last year." Her comment really gave me pause. As women especially, how can we support one another--as a functioning body of Christ--if we don't know what's going on with one another? And how can we know if we don't ask or tell?

If you are going through trials of various kinds, take heart. There is power in the telling. There is support to receive. There is faithfulness to be seen later on. Mom & I know; we've lived it.

never say never

Never say never to God's timing.

I feel like someone needs to hear this today. And maybe it's me.

I just listened to the father of a prospective student tell us the story of his 7 children. 2 are biological, 5 are adopted, and only 2 of those adoptions were "planned," according to Dad. One adoption was finalized in 24 hours. They're not celebrities or millionaires, just regular people who follow the leading of a magnificent God.

At the end of his incredible story of timing, faithfulness, and ways greater than our ways, he said to us: "Never say never. God's timing is always right." How simple. How profound.

Maybe you needed to hear and listen to that message today. Maybe we all do.

faithful. again. still.

Oh, Lord...you got me again!

Guess who just met a couple from Lagos, Nigeria? FOR REAL.

I took a chance and introduced myself, spoke "small-small" pidgin English with them, and told them how much I miss Abuja.

The wife introduced herself as Shola, and I asked if that was short for Adeshola. Her eyes got big as she asked, "How did you know that?!" I just laughed and told her what a strong Yoruba name she has. We exchanged information and are going to get together soon.

Thank you, God, for bringing this family into my life at the precise moment I needed them most! Even though I am missing Nigeria again & still today, You are faithful again & still today.

(Why this is perfect timing? Read below for a taste of profound homesickness.)

again. still.

I feel like I should write something current-event-y, like a protest piece against burning the Koran, or my reactions to the Video Music Awards.

But I can't. I can't get out of my own head, and my head is Nigeria right now.

Are you tired yet of hearing about my homesickness? I'm tired of it, too.

I'm tired of feeling like I lost all the great things about that culture. It sickens me that my fears came true: I have forgotten who I was there. It's frustrating that I have to try so hard to keep Nigerian cultural norms a part of my American social life. I wish it became second nature.

That's a lot of words saying very little. Let's do an illustration or two:

In Nigeria, time was fluid. I didn't worry if traffic kept me from being someplace on time. If I showed up late to meet a Nigerian, there was no offense taken. They didn't think to themselves "Oh, I must not be a priority to her. She didn't care enough to arrive on time."

Additionally, the culture necessitates hospitality. Friends show up at your door, unannounced, and they are welcomed in, served tea, and invited to stay for dinner. It's not even a question of whether or not the arrival would interrupt other plans. There's no such things as "not a good time." You make time. Every time.

In the past month, I have shown up late to engagements with friends at least twice, each time in an absolute panic. Or friends have been late meeting up with me, and I have not given them the Nigerian fluid-time grace I so desperately wish I would. Correction: the only time this has not been the case was when I had lunch with fellow Minnesotan-in-Nigeria Warren last month. That social interaction was a grace-filled conversation with all the simplicity of breathing. No explanations, conversions, or translations necessary--praise God!

Additionally, I'm nowhere near as hospitable as I could be. I regularly fail to go out of my way for another human being, and that breaks my heart. What does it say about me that a year wasn't long enough to change my behavior? Am I really so culturally susceptible?

I will admit the one habit that has stuck: I still can't really handle malls. If I need clothes, I go directly to the store I want to shop at, get what I need, and walk directly back out to my car. Out of all the habits to stick, though, that's not the one I would have prioritized.

Confession: I looked up tickets to Nigeria yesterday. Delta can get me there for under $1,000. I can't, but I really really want to.

And I thought I was over culture shock. Ha.

third time's a charm?

Okay, so make that 3 articles published at MN Bridging the Gap. Read my most recent one HERE.

I feel a little badly, though. I named this article "Life in the Time of Unemployment." Firstly, I feel badly because Gabriel García Márquez is probably disappointed that I ripped off his title.

Secondly, I feel badly because the whole basis of the article is maybe not true anymore. I promise it was true when I wrote the article back in July, it's just not true anymore.

Thirdly, I feel badly because if I write a follow-up article (to clear things up), I don't want to dishearten other women out there who faced, are facing, and will face a time of unemployment far, far longer than mine. God has shown Himself incredibly faithful with the advent of my new job. He was faithful in my 2 months of unemployment and is--surprise!--still faithful. I just don't want to rub it in.

Oh, the conversations I have in my head. Feel free to read the article and tell me how I should proceed: Do I write a follow-up article? Do I just leave it? AND ALSO: do I rewrite my bio to reflect my new job? Is that just too much marketing?

The self-questioning never ceases.

published!

At moments like these, you just have to share some linky love.

I just got a second article published by Minnesota Bridging the Gap, a women's ministry resource website.

And guess what? It's about social media. Go figure. Read it HERE!

confessions of an english major

I used to read.

As a child, I believe I earned the adjective "voracious;" I was once grounded from reading for 24 hours. (The punishment fit the crime: I was caught reading squinting by the light of my night-light.) Those 24 hours were unbearable!

Sadly, I am no longer that way. Now, I write...a lot. Which is great. But I write instead of reading. Which is less great. I feel like I'm missing a vital part of the equation.

Blame it on college literature classes or a busy schedule; any excuse is a cop-out. The fact is that I used to love to read and I've lost that love. It's time to get it back.

Here is the spread of what I'm reading and wanting to read. There are an additional 30-something books on that little white Kindle down in the corner. I've started 7 books in the past 6 months. It's time to finish them.

I am resolved--I can do this. I don't even know if I'm the kind who can read more than one book at a time, but I'm going to find out.

Updates of the reading endeavor to follow, as well as reviews of the books I finish.

most wonderful time of the year

You guys, it's here. Fall.

You know, the season I've been waiting for and talking about and missing all the way from Nigeria?

Well, it's here.

Yesterday was drizzly and blustery and under 60F. Which was awesome, and totally sweatshirt weather, except that I didn't have anything to wear to work.

I don't mean that I pulled everything out of my closet onto the floor, stamped my foot like a twelve-year-old, and complained that I had nothing to wear. I mean that I stared at my closet for a full minute looking for a combination of long pants, long-sleeves, and a cute fall jacket. There was no such outfit.

Apparently, I've never needed autumn dress clothes. All previous autumns have been spent in the collegiate world of Wheaton sweatshirts, with the exception of last autumn, which was spent in 90-degree Nigeria.

Yesterday, I wore khaki pants and a khaki raincoat. They khlashed. It was bad.

After work, I picked up some decent matching clothes. At Target, I ran across this:
Yankee Candle's Autumn Festival jar candle, a.k.a. Autumn-in-my-Room.

These things: this candle, these clothes, this time of year, this crisp anticipation of what winter has in store, these things help me miss Nigeria less. Only a little bit, but still. I'll take what I can get.